Everyone has their Facebook pet peeves—but when are those peeves outright offenses? Arizona State University scientists recently aimed to find out.
Their first study used 44 students to create a list of 36 Facebook friendship rules. A second study used 593 subjects to narrow down which of these rules really mattered when it came to dealing with close, casual, and acquaintance-based friendships.
RULE 1: Project yourself in a manner others would want to be associated with.
Basically, don’t be an A-hole. If you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t type it. (In the time it took to update your status, you could have done one of these
10-Second Health Checkups.)
RULES 2, 3, and 4: Don’t post anything that will hurt a friend’s image, career, or relationship.
RULE 5: Respond immediately when someone leaves you a Facebook message.
Actually, no, we take that back. Do not do that.* It makes you look desperate—and you have a life—right?
*Unless it’s that hot chick from the gym. Then you can respond in 15 to 30 minutes.
RULE 6: Expect an immediate response from others when you post on their profiles.
We disagree here. They could be, you know, enjoying the outdoors! Cut ’em some slack. If it’s urgent, text.
RULE 7: Use privacy settings to control each friend’s level of access to your profile.
Step one: Realize this rule is way too time-consuming. Step two: Refer back to rule number one on this list.
RULE 8: Share information with close friends before posting it on Facebook.
If you propose to your girlfriend of 6 years and your brother doesn’t hear about it before your other 1,767 friends, he has the right to deck you.
RULE 9: Delete or block anyone who posts something that compromises your image.
Or just remove the offending post.
RULE 10: Apply offline social rules to your Facebook interactions.
Would you randomly flash your pecs to your boss? Then don’t upload them to your timeline.
RULE 11: Be aware that not everyone is honest while on Facebook.
If her photos are only taken from the shoulders and up, it’s a red flag.
RULE 12: Use common sense in your Facebook interactions.
RULE 13: Monitor your photos to make sure they are flattering.
Just don’t use Instagram for your profile pic. Everyone knows that’s cheating.
RULE 14: Always present yourself positively but honestly on Facebook.
If you lie and say you have better abs than Blake Griffin, your buddies will most definitely call your bluff.
RULE 15: Know that all of your friends can potentially affect your Facebook image.
That’s code for: Don’t piss off anyone who has dirt on you.
RULE 16: Use Facebook to maintain your relationships.
RULE 17: Use Facebook to communicate happy birthday with friends.
You know, because all those random chicks you added during your freshman year in college will really appreciate it.
RULE 18: Wish your close friend happy birthday in some way other than Facebook.
Text, call, card in the mail, strippergram—anything is better than a mere Facebook notification.
RULE 19: Use Facebook to learn more about people you are just getting to know.
Go ahead, root through all 351 of her photos. She won’t mind.
RULE 20: Respect your friends’ time by not posting excess information on Facebook.
We really don’t care that you had a great sandwich for lunch. Or that your foot itches. Or that you went to the proctologist.
RULE 21: Meet new people by adding your close friends’ contacts as your own friends.
We disagree with this one. If you haven’t actually talked to someone, they don’t need to be your Facebook friend.
RULE 22: Only write on a friend’s wall if you are actually friends with them offline.
Otherwise you’ll look like a creepster.
RULE 23: Only send a friend a private message if you are actually friends with them offline.
Again, creep status.
RULE 24: Only comment on a friend’s photos if you are actually friends with them offline.
See rules 22 and 23.
RULE 25: Only use Facebook chat with people you are actually friends with them offline.
There’s no emoticon for “awkward silence.”
RULE 26: Communicate with your good friends using methods besides Facebook.
If you don’t do this already, you’re not a good friend.
RULE 27: Don’t add someone as a Facebook friend unless you meet them offline first.
It doesn’t matter how hot she is, how many “interests” you have in common, or how many mutual friends you have.
RULE 28: Always realize that Facebook can expose lies you have told people.
Like that time you told your girlfriend you “stayed in” on Friday night, but your Four Square check-ins said otherwise.
RULE 29: Remember information a friend posts about you can have real-world consequences.
As if all of those “people who were fired because of Facebook” stories haven’t told you this already.
RULE 30: If a friend deletes or untags themselves from a photo or post, do not repost it.
Unless that person stole your girlfriend, broke your heart, or pissed you off at a bar. Then they deserve it, so let them have it.
RULE 31: If you are ignoring someone’s message, do not commit other Facebook behaviors that will reveal you were on Facebook.
Especially Farmville.
No man will ever understand why women think it’s hot to rock the “duck face” in all of their profile pictures. (As for what she sees when she looks at your profile, click here for
20 Things She Notices about You.)
RULE 32: Do not spend time trying to guess a friend’s motives for Facebook behaviors.
RULE 33: Do not confront anyone using a public component of Facebook.
There’s no need for 500 people to see your dirty laundry.
RULE 34: Do not say anything disrespectful about someone on Facebook.
That’s code for: Never post
anything negative about your boss on Facebook. Higher-ups have eyes everywhere, and you will get busted. Case in point:
This.
RULE 35: Do not let Facebook use interfere with getting your work done.
Unless you’re looking at the Men’s Health Facebook page.
RULE 36: Do not post information on Facebook that could be used against you.
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